Another Happy Tail

After only 7 days of living with the pup, I got a phonecall that there were a few people who had filled out applications to adopt Blackie. One of the applications came from my hometown, Marblehead!

After a quick phone call, I discovered that one of my Facebook friends had forwarded the info on Blackie to some of her friends, and low and behold, a wonderful couple was ready to adopt.

I brought Blackie over for a visit, and he walked into the beautiful little yard like he belonged there. I almost didn't recognize him. He was so calm and confident -- a big change from the scared little pup who skulked into my yard only a week before.

Dave and Marcia showed us to their home and showed us around. Former dogs were featured in gorgeous oil paintings in the living room. I knew Blackie would be treated very well here.

The adoption took only a few hours, including site check and payment. By dinnertime, Blackie had a new home.

However, there is a sidebar to this story. My poor beautiful yellow lab, who had basically trained Blackie, and loved and nurtured him as a foster mom for a week, fell into a deep funk after the adoption. She was cowering in the basement, and afraid of any loud noise. She wouldn't hardly eat or go out in the yard. Thinking she was sick, I brought her to the vet who confirmed it was psychological. After a few days, Indy got back to her old self. But, I don't know if I can put her through that pain again.

Are my fostering days over? Is there a better way to handle this transition? I will have to think very carefully before fostering a dog in the future. It's sad, because it was such a great experience for me, but one that I can't logically explain to my own dog.

Blackie gets a bath

I picked up Blackie, the foster dog, in Harvard, MA, and he howled when I put him in the crate. I was concerned, after all it would be an hour long drive to my house. Yes, I felt foolish talking in a soothing, sing-song manner non-stop while I got on the highway, but within a few minutes the pup had settled down for a nap.

Blackie was very skittish at my house, but my dog, Indy, calmed him down. The biggest problem was that Blackie was filthy and smelled horrible. The women at the shelter said he and his litter had been kept in an outside pen in Tennessee and they hadn't really ever had a bath. So, when C and her friends got home from school, they had a job to do...and everyone loved it --even Blackie!

He's now been at our house for two nights, and he's coming into himself. He's gotten very calm, and he absolutely loves to be cuddled. Indy gets a bit jealous, but mostly because we keep giving the puppy her toys. Indy has actually been very nurturing towards the little guy.

Blackis still hates his crate, and last night I just let him sleep on the doggie bed. I got up at 5am to let him out to pee, and then we all went back to sleep. He understands the word "no," and he has only had one accident in the house, when he first arrived. Could he already be house broken?

If you know of anyone who wants to adopt a sweet little puppy, please go to Great Dog Rescue New England.

Meet Blackie the foster dog

It's been a while since I've written this blog because I've been very busy with my Teen Issues column for the Boston Examiner. Check it out and subscribe if you'd like to receive information, research and news about parenting teenagers.

Now...introducing....Blackie.

I'm picking him up tomorrow from Great Dog Rescue of New England. This is the second doggie we've fostered, but this one is a puppy. (Oscar was about 3 years old.) I may be crazy, but my goal is to have him house broken by the time he's adopted, which I expect will be within a few weeks since puppies are adopted rather quickly.

My rationale for fostering a dog is: a) my family wants to help homeless animals in any way possible, b) we're not going anywhere this spring because the kids' sports schedules have imprisoned us in our own home town, c) the puppy will keep our dog, Indy, company, and d) I LOVE dogs and especially puppies and I'm so excited. I may even be more excited than C, who is beside herself.

Lil'J and Big J are a bit skeptical on this whole project, but I bet they'll warm up to the pup right away. I will take pictures and blog about Blackie, the foster dog (hmmm...may be a children's book title?)

Check out my column on Boston Examiner

Driving Through Life

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about driving. I recently spent many hours "watching the world go by" at the Massachusetts RMV to get my license renewed, and while waiting for the "next available agent" I realized I've been driving for 30 years! Meanwhile, I recently posted an article on the Boston Examiner about "Why parents are scared to death when their teenagers drive." Simultaneously, I've had many conversations recently with my siblings about my 86 year-old father retiring his car keys for good, before someone is seriously injured on the road.

No matter how you look at it, driving is a rite of passage, either into adulthood or out of the mainstream and into old age. I vividly remember the freedom I felt when I first became a driver. I loved the responsibility of driving to my job in High School, or not needing a ride to choir rehearsal. Currently, as a parent of two teenagers, driving can certainly be a chore (especially when Lil'J and I are combing every craft store on Boston's north shore for Styrofoam balls for his science project!) But, I still get a thrill when I set out on a road trip, that sense of freedom is still burning under the surface.

This history of driving, the practicality of getting from point A to point B, as well as the freedom driving represents, makes it all the more difficult to deal with the challenges we face as our parents age and their driving capabilities diminish.

And yet there is a parallel in life. I imagine I will be incredibly worried when my teens take the road, especially given the statistics on teen driving reported in my article. At this point in life, I also spend time worrying about my father's driving. And I realize that my parents, thirty years ago, were in this exact position -- worrying about their children as well as their own parents. Furthermore, my children, in the distant future, will have to ask me to stop driving at some point in my old age, probably just when their own children take to the road.

Yes, we all know that life is cyclical. But sometimes, you find yourself at the RMV, waiting to do the eye exam and have your picture taken, watching teenagers line up for the drivers test, and giving your seat to an elderly person who's about to renew their license, and it all becomes really clear -- where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.

Who Dunnit at the Ski House?

We rented a beautiful ski house in Maine for February break, which we shared with another family. One night we invited a few families over for après ski featuring burgers and dogs on the grill. It was an ideal evening, with parents chatting around the fireplace (even a token injured skier on crutches - ouch!) and the kids playing down in the finished basement.

The next day, C came running upstairs to breathlessly report, “Someone carved my name into the foosball table! And,” she added, “it wasn’t me!” We called together the 4 kids who were staying at the house and checked out the damage. Sure enough, plain as day, someone had taken a dart and carved C’s name into what we would later discover was a $600 foosball table. “I don’t even make my A’s like that,” C complained.

And so the speculation began…For the rest of the week, whether as a group or individually, we all spent way too much time trying to get inside the head of the kid who had blatantly defaced property and tried to frame my daughter. “Was it someone from the group of older boys? Why would they write C’s name? Was it a boy C’s age? There were 4 of them there. Was it one of the girls?”

Before long, we were all playing detective and presenting different scenarios. And, because we had contacted all the families who were over that evening, it seemed the topic was almost impossible to escape. The “Foosball Table Caper” became the subject of chair lift rides, hot cocoa breaks, and cross-mountain cell phone conversations. “What will it solve if we find out who did it?” one of us would say. And we’d all agree not to talk about it anymore, at least until the next time the topic came up.

And, by the end of the week, what we all discovered – adults and kids alike—was that we really weren’t liking ourselves very much. We had all become suspicious of kids that we were normally fond of. We had all been focusing on the negative aspects of these ‘tween’s and teen’s personalities, and making assumptions about what character flaws would motivate such a sneaky and disrespectful act. And, thinking about each other this way seemed to diminish the good qualities in all of us.

In the end, the “Foosball Table Caper” stands as an important example to me of how one person’s act can lower behavioral standards for a whole community. Suspicion is insidious and made me, at least, doubt some of the kids I know, as well as human nature in general. We never did discover our culprit. But, one thing is certain; I will never become a detective. I don't like second guessing people and questioning their honesty. In the future, I’ll just stick to the game “Clue” and focus on Mrs. Peacock in the Billiard Room with a candlestick. It’s much easier to be suspicious of fictional characters.

Ski time and family bonding

Skiing used to mean the four of us would ride the lift together and then gleefully follow each other down the mountain to compare notes in the lift line about close calls, moguls and ice patches. Now, I say good-bye to the kids in the parking lot, after shelling out some cash for lunch, and Big J and I are left on our own. Yes, this is many a skier’s dream come true. And, I admit, as I watch the little kids on the mountain making pizza’s with their skis, and crying about the cold, it’s very freeing to ski in the adult-only crowd. But, I do miss the kids and I’m feeling a bit shunned by them. The reality is, I can’t keep up with them anymore.

Lil’J is off with his 8th grade posse, skiing woods trails and perfecting his jumps. C and a girlfriend have their schedules set by what time they stop by the Crepe Shed (for a Nutella crepe) and what time they get the chicken caesar salad for lunch at the mid-mountain lodge. We all have cell phones, but less and less are Big J and I feeling the need to check in. They’ll call us if they need us.

Adult ski time has suddenly thrown Big J and me into a new routine. We actually have time to talk on the lifts, we tend to admire the scenery more, and we have the option of repeating the same run over and over if we really like it. No one is bored, cold or complaining. I can’t help but get a glimpse into our retirement years when I imagine our time together to be more leisurely and less filled with the concerns of daily life.

As far as family bonding goes, the good news is that we still have the three-hour car ride home from Maine, and it does give us a chance to catch up. The kids are usually pretty eager to give a play by play of their best ski runs, and worst wipeouts. I’ve realized that I even make mental notes during the week for topics to address on our long car rides – how we all need to eat healthier, or how the homework must be done before anyone asks for a ride. And as we drive along the highway, I’m still pretty happy with skiing as a family activity. It gets us outside, gives us a common experience, and gives us time to communicate as a family. That is…until they turn on their ipods. Then, Jim and I have some alone time in the car.

New Communities

President Obama's speech today made me think a lot about "community." We have our world community, the "community feeling" reported in the congress and senate, the call to help others in our community, and of course the many communities who gathered together to watch the inaugural festivities today in churches and schools across the country. And yet this year I have discovered a whole new sense of community. I have found thousands of mothers, like myself, who have a passion for writing and exploring family life. I have found, and joined a growing number of mother bloggers.

Through networks like the Mom Bloggers Club, Cafe Mom, and Moms in a Blog, I've received everything from writing advice to crock pot recipes. These are smart and interesting women across the globe who have come together to create a new sense of community and caring. I'm enjoying my new friends, and learning a lot in this maternal cyber world. My sense of community keeps expanding and evolving. And. I'm so very pleased to have added a new dimension of community to my life this year!

Lose Weight - Tips and Tricks

If you’re not trying to lose weight, don’t bother reading this.

If you are trying to lose weight, you may find this info interesting, or even helpful. Personally, I’ve always been a “tips and tricks” type of person. For any hobby, like cooking or knitting, and even for the important stuff in life, like raising kids, I’ve always found I can take a little something away from a list of helpful tips and tricks. So, here are some of my weight loss tips and tricks, and I hope you find something useful.

Tip #1: Roast a bunch of veggies and keep them in your fridge. When everyone sits down for dinner and wolfs down a plate of pasta or tacos, you can join them by creating your own variation of the dish. I like roasted squash, onion, mushrooms, and maybe even some eggplant. You can add these veggies to your plate with some meat (turkey meatballs, chicken) or put them in a whole wheat tortilla with some salsa and fat free sour cream. The veggies last a long time and you can change the flavor depending on what you’re making for the rest of your gang.

Tip #2: Soup du jour/soup galore! The Weight Watchers veggie soup is so good and, again, you can add whatever protein you like. At Trader Joe’s I buy the pre-cut carrot, onion and celery soup starter and then add a pack of cole slaw and whatever I have around – like zucchini and garbanzo beans. Of course, I eat a lot of lentil soup, too. Soup is filling and usually low fat and low calorie. If you open a can, have ½ and then eat the other ½ as a snack or mid-afternoon meal.

Tip #3: Going out to dinner? This may seem tortuous, but save 500-600 calories for going out. Yes, you may be ravenous. Fill up on V8, or instant miso soup (unless you have high blood pressure.) Drink tea or have some low-cal snack like grapefruit or celery. Go online and look at the menu of the restaurant. Get excited about a nice piece of grilled fish, or whatever healthy entree you can find.

Tip #4: Keep an online food journal. There are a bunch of them, but I like Fitday. Yes, it takes some time to keep track of your food, but the more you do, the more you know what foods are filling, healthy and low cal.

Hope these little tricks help you, and please let me know about YOUR tips and tricks.

Fresh Starts

There were some wonderful holiday moments -- skiing with the kids, meals with extended family, not to mention my brand new laptop computer! But, when I dragged the tree out of the house yesterday, I admit, I felt relieved. Finally, I'm home alone and getting things organized. The boxes of decorations are returned to their perch on a shelf in the basement, and I have some big ideas for some redecorating touches around the house. The post-holiday, New Year energy is inspiring me and motivating me to make changes big and small.

For example, I love make-up. In fact, I think I should have gone into cosmetics and hair as an occupation. After dropping some hints to my trusty 11-year-old daughter, I found a cosmetic kit under the tree. Last night I dug through that old, crusty, make-up drawer. You know, the one with the three bottles of old foundation that never quite matched my skin tone? That drawer in which the blush broke and dusted the corners and crevices? I cleared out all of that old junk and kept only the basics -- the stuff I really use. It is such a pleasure to open that drawer now.

My schedule was also in dire need of an overhaul. I'm setting time aside not only for writing, but also for more reading. And, I signed on to take a course on writing Children's books! I'm excited for mental stimulation in 2009.

And, of course, I know I need to take better care of my body. The way I see it, I'm about half way through my life. So, I went to the gym today. I plan to attend the Body Conditioning Class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. And, when I went to the grocery store, I stocked up on tons of fruits and veggies. I also signed on to FitDay, which allows me to keep an online food journal so I can actually pay attention to what I'm eating (or what I'm not.) I know, I probably do these things every year, but still, I like fresh starts. I like the possibilities and hope they provide.

I recently read an essay by Andrew Sullivan, in the collection of essays, This I Believe. In describing the United States, and our lofty goals like liberty and the pursuit of happiness, he writes, "In the constant failure to arrive...lies the possibility of a permanent fresh start."

I realize that my house will be a mess again, as will my make-up drawer. I know that I will never be as fit as I was in my twenties. And, my writing and mental growth will suffer from the usual ebbs and flows. But the goal is secondary to the journey. As Sullivan says, " I believe in the pursuit of happiness. Not its attainment, nor its final destination, but its pursuit." For me, I believe in fresh starts, and I'm excited for 2009.