Who Dunnit at the Ski House?

We rented a beautiful ski house in Maine for February break, which we shared with another family. One night we invited a few families over for après ski featuring burgers and dogs on the grill. It was an ideal evening, with parents chatting around the fireplace (even a token injured skier on crutches - ouch!) and the kids playing down in the finished basement.

The next day, C came running upstairs to breathlessly report, “Someone carved my name into the foosball table! And,” she added, “it wasn’t me!” We called together the 4 kids who were staying at the house and checked out the damage. Sure enough, plain as day, someone had taken a dart and carved C’s name into what we would later discover was a $600 foosball table. “I don’t even make my A’s like that,” C complained.

And so the speculation began…For the rest of the week, whether as a group or individually, we all spent way too much time trying to get inside the head of the kid who had blatantly defaced property and tried to frame my daughter. “Was it someone from the group of older boys? Why would they write C’s name? Was it a boy C’s age? There were 4 of them there. Was it one of the girls?”

Before long, we were all playing detective and presenting different scenarios. And, because we had contacted all the families who were over that evening, it seemed the topic was almost impossible to escape. The “Foosball Table Caper” became the subject of chair lift rides, hot cocoa breaks, and cross-mountain cell phone conversations. “What will it solve if we find out who did it?” one of us would say. And we’d all agree not to talk about it anymore, at least until the next time the topic came up.

And, by the end of the week, what we all discovered – adults and kids alike—was that we really weren’t liking ourselves very much. We had all become suspicious of kids that we were normally fond of. We had all been focusing on the negative aspects of these ‘tween’s and teen’s personalities, and making assumptions about what character flaws would motivate such a sneaky and disrespectful act. And, thinking about each other this way seemed to diminish the good qualities in all of us.

In the end, the “Foosball Table Caper” stands as an important example to me of how one person’s act can lower behavioral standards for a whole community. Suspicion is insidious and made me, at least, doubt some of the kids I know, as well as human nature in general. We never did discover our culprit. But, one thing is certain; I will never become a detective. I don't like second guessing people and questioning their honesty. In the future, I’ll just stick to the game “Clue” and focus on Mrs. Peacock in the Billiard Room with a candlestick. It’s much easier to be suspicious of fictional characters.

Ski time and family bonding

Skiing used to mean the four of us would ride the lift together and then gleefully follow each other down the mountain to compare notes in the lift line about close calls, moguls and ice patches. Now, I say good-bye to the kids in the parking lot, after shelling out some cash for lunch, and Big J and I are left on our own. Yes, this is many a skier’s dream come true. And, I admit, as I watch the little kids on the mountain making pizza’s with their skis, and crying about the cold, it’s very freeing to ski in the adult-only crowd. But, I do miss the kids and I’m feeling a bit shunned by them. The reality is, I can’t keep up with them anymore.

Lil’J is off with his 8th grade posse, skiing woods trails and perfecting his jumps. C and a girlfriend have their schedules set by what time they stop by the Crepe Shed (for a Nutella crepe) and what time they get the chicken caesar salad for lunch at the mid-mountain lodge. We all have cell phones, but less and less are Big J and I feeling the need to check in. They’ll call us if they need us.

Adult ski time has suddenly thrown Big J and me into a new routine. We actually have time to talk on the lifts, we tend to admire the scenery more, and we have the option of repeating the same run over and over if we really like it. No one is bored, cold or complaining. I can’t help but get a glimpse into our retirement years when I imagine our time together to be more leisurely and less filled with the concerns of daily life.

As far as family bonding goes, the good news is that we still have the three-hour car ride home from Maine, and it does give us a chance to catch up. The kids are usually pretty eager to give a play by play of their best ski runs, and worst wipeouts. I’ve realized that I even make mental notes during the week for topics to address on our long car rides – how we all need to eat healthier, or how the homework must be done before anyone asks for a ride. And as we drive along the highway, I’m still pretty happy with skiing as a family activity. It gets us outside, gives us a common experience, and gives us time to communicate as a family. That is…until they turn on their ipods. Then, Jim and I have some alone time in the car.