Slurring Sisters

About 11 years ago, Big J (as opposed to my son Lil’J) and I were invited to our friends’ (Cathy and Tom’s*) 4th of July party. Lobsters were festively dismembered and the drinks flowed. We felt like special guests because this was really a big family event. All of Cathy’s family was in town! Eventually the 30ish crowd, all siblings and in-laws, left the grandparents behind to baby-sit the tots. We all headed out to a bar – Tom and Cathy, and her many siblings, mostly sisters.

The bar was a blast. Tom, Big J and I spent most of our time chatting with a Gene Simmons impersonator, clad in full KISS make-up and leather regalia, who had an incredibly long authentic-looking KISS tongue. At the end of the night, when we got back into the minivan, the mood had changed noticeably. Big J and I were squished in the minivan’s hatch back for the return trip, and, despite our giggling, the car was strangely quiet. Clearly, we had missed something.

After a few attempts at making conversation, Big J and I realized that the only person responding was Tom, Cathy’s husband, who was the designated driver. Finally, between the three of us, while everyone else in the mini-van knew enough to shut up, we came up with the slogan, “Friends don’t let friends drink with their sisters.” And, the tension eased…for about a minute. Unfortunately, one sister had tread upon another’s very tender emotional ground, and the healing would take a while, at least until the next morning.

Having a sister myself, I know how treacherous the wine imbued waters of conversation can be. So, here are a few tips for when you have one glass of wine too many with your sister(s):

Avoid discussing your childhood or your children. Either way, someone’s life was ruined or someone is in the process of ruining a life.

Avoid absolute terms like “always,” and “never.” As in, “You always got your way.” Or, “I never got my way.”

If a sister is reminiscing about something you don’t recall, or if you happen to recollect a completely different version of that memory, simply nod your head and smile. Don’t get into it!

If possible, designate a “sober sister” who can be the voice of reason for the evening. Every family needs a peacekeeper.

Just remember, sister emotions run high and family memories run deep. Be careful! And if you have a girlfriend who is going to visit her sister, be a good friend and pass this advice along, or just have the bumper sticker printed up. And on another note, whatever you do, don’t drink and write, especially about sisters!