The texts were flying, cell phones were ring-toning and the old fashioned parents were emailing or using the telephone. 6th Grade class assignments had come in the mail and everyone wanted to know who would be where.
After each communication my daughter moped into the kitchen to tell me, “None of my friends are in my class.” To make matters worse, they were all in another class together. When I sat at my computer, a flurry of mom-mails listed and confirmed class assignments. But no good news came for C.
This is an example of one of those times when the words coming from my mouth sound shallow even as I speak them. “Honey, there are almost fifty kids on your team, you’ll definitely know someone.” Or, “This will be a great opportunity to make new friends and stay in touch with your current friends. You’ll be expanding your social circle.” I tried to say all the right things, the things I would have wanted to hear. And C kept nodding and pretending my words carried some comfort, but I knew she was going to spring a leak at some point that day and cry. She did, very briefly.
The bottom line is, sometimes we cannot fix things for our children, or even make things better. Sometimes we try to comfort, but the underlying message is “suck it up.” I tried to fill the void of anxiety with stories from my own youth. “When I was a kid we moved around a lot and I switched schools in 1st grade, in 3rd grade and then again in 6th grade. Every time I was scared and nervous, but every time I made new friends.” Does that help? Maybe a little…
Ultimately, I will not be able to walk into C’s classroom for her on the first day of school. That she must do alone. As a mom, I cannot make friends for my child, just as I cannot do her homework for her, or practice her instrument for her, or take a test for her. I can only help her along -- coach her, give her advice and the benefit of my own experience.
And, deep inside, I know … she’ll be fine. Still, on the first day of school I will be thinking of her all day. And when she finally walks in the door and drops her backpack in the front hall, I hope she’ll be smiling and bubbling over with exciting news from her first day in 6th grade.
After each communication my daughter moped into the kitchen to tell me, “None of my friends are in my class.” To make matters worse, they were all in another class together. When I sat at my computer, a flurry of mom-mails listed and confirmed class assignments. But no good news came for C.
This is an example of one of those times when the words coming from my mouth sound shallow even as I speak them. “Honey, there are almost fifty kids on your team, you’ll definitely know someone.” Or, “This will be a great opportunity to make new friends and stay in touch with your current friends. You’ll be expanding your social circle.” I tried to say all the right things, the things I would have wanted to hear. And C kept nodding and pretending my words carried some comfort, but I knew she was going to spring a leak at some point that day and cry. She did, very briefly.
The bottom line is, sometimes we cannot fix things for our children, or even make things better. Sometimes we try to comfort, but the underlying message is “suck it up.” I tried to fill the void of anxiety with stories from my own youth. “When I was a kid we moved around a lot and I switched schools in 1st grade, in 3rd grade and then again in 6th grade. Every time I was scared and nervous, but every time I made new friends.” Does that help? Maybe a little…
Ultimately, I will not be able to walk into C’s classroom for her on the first day of school. That she must do alone. As a mom, I cannot make friends for my child, just as I cannot do her homework for her, or practice her instrument for her, or take a test for her. I can only help her along -- coach her, give her advice and the benefit of my own experience.
And, deep inside, I know … she’ll be fine. Still, on the first day of school I will be thinking of her all day. And when she finally walks in the door and drops her backpack in the front hall, I hope she’ll be smiling and bubbling over with exciting news from her first day in 6th grade.
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1 comment:
How is C settling in with her new class? Is it going better? Tony
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