Update and New Pup!

I have not posted in so long, and the cliche' holds true, "the more things change, the more they stay the same." The kids are two years older, I've changed jobs, but I have a new foster pup coming to stay with us on Saturday.

With both kids in High School (one of them driving!) my parenting focus has changed from chef, chauffeur, and therapist to short order cook, talented teen tracker, and private investigator. The kids are definitely more self-reliant, but probably need more guidance now than ever.

I've gone from working as a 4th Grade reading tutor back into the business world as a recruiter for software startup companies. It's challenging, certainly interesting, and best of all...I work from home!

Working from home means I can be around to help out a pup in need, who would have otherwise been euthanized at the shelter in Tennessee. Her name is Kenya, and she is an Anatolian/German Shepherd mix from Tennessee. I think that means she is going to be BIG!

Stay tuned to find out where Kenya ends up living in her "forever home!"

Technically Speaking

When I was in 7th grade, I had my first boyfriend. Basically, our relationship consisted of talking on the phone. When Tommy called, first he had to get through a family member to get to me. My mom would holler across the house, "Joyce, Tommy's on the phone," and this would be followed by the giggles and snickers of my siblings. Tom would usually be chatting into the phone connected to his kitchen wall, and I would be in the family room with my mom folding laundry nearby. Needless to say, we had absolutely no privacy.

I recently wrote about my two encounters with Paul Newman, and my brother responded that with today's technology I never would have met him. The first encounter was in a record store ... remember those? The second encounter was when Mr. Newman borrowed my phone when I was the receptionist at a country club. Now, he would clearly have his cell phone.

So, as my son texts girls, and as my daughter complains that we won't allow her to receive picture texts, I have to wonder how all this technology is effecting my family and communication in general? Am I less likely to meet a movie star or talk to my son's someday girlfriend? Is technology actually making my world smaller?

Here's another scenario: It's my freshman year of college and I haven't spoken to my parents in weeks. You see, the only phone is in the hallway of my dormitory's second floor. When I call home I have to do it collect, and when my parents call it is very unlikely that I'm even around. In five years, when Lil'J heads off to college, we'll have email, cell phones and maybe even video messaging to rely upon. My assumption is that we'll be in touch.

Maybe technology does shut us off a bit from the rest of the world. After all, who stops for directions these days when we all have GPS systems? On the other hand, through Facebook and email, I'm in contact with some people from my past who I assumed I'd never hear from again. Maybe technology enhances communication with those we know, and decreases our chances of interacting in the real world. The real question is, while technology changes are people changing, too? Are Lil'J's text conversations to middle school girls any more or less innocent than my awkward phone conversations with Tommy? Are movie stars any less friendly? Are college kids any more likely to miss their parents? My guess is, probably not. Technology may increase or decrease our access, but in my estimation, human nature evolves at a much slower pace.

Talking to Teens

Lil’J barely waits ‘til he’s out of the car from our week long family vacation before running off with his friends. He’d texted them before we’d even pulled into town. I’m surprised they weren’t waiting for us in our driveway – leaning on their bikes, wearing their shorts down to their knees, below grubby, stretched out t-shirts and turned around baseball caps. What a motley welcoming committee of 13-year-old boys they would be!

Lil'J dropped his duffel bag and said, “Gotta go!” He’s a busy boy, but a good boy; he checks in. And, I always call the house he’s going to, making sure the parents are home. Even better, he’ll have his gang at our house. Still, I feel like I never see him.
Recently, I picked Lil’J up after he visited family friends for a few days. I knew I’d have at least an hour with him, alone in the car. I was looking forward to some catch-up time. I wanted to touch base with him on a deeper level than we’d reached in our recent “Hi what’s for dinner can Sam sleep over have you seen my phone charger when will you be off the computer?” conversations. I wanted to find out what was really on his mind.

So as we drove I thought carefully about what topics to bring up. I could ask him about girls…but he hates it when I do that and he’s barely seen any girls over the summer anyway. Lil’J fiddles endlessly with the radio. He listens incessantly to RAP, and he knows to change the station if the lyrics are overtly sexual. He changes the station a lot. I could ask him if he’s nervous about going away to camp. But then if he’s not nervous he might start to get nervous…nah, we’ve talked enough about camp. He nods his head to the rhythm and sings to the backup melody. I could ask him what ever happened to that kid he was friends with… Ron. I’d heard he got into some trouble and was hanging with a different crowd. No, why bring it up when I’m not trying to encourage that friendship?

“Mom?” Lil’J asked with a serious voice. I knew it, if you shut up for long enough, your teen will open up to you. He’ll tell you what’s on his mind, his hopes, fears, dreams and desires. The experts were right!

“Yes?” I responded, with a motherly smile.

“If you have a job, and the boss calls in sick, does everyone get to go home?” he asked.
I had to giggle. Well, at least he’s thinking about the future. Then I told Lil’J about the summer I painted houses and went to the beach whenever the boss was sick, explaining that most jobs weren’t like that because of “personal responsibility.” Some of his other questions during that car ride were: “Is driving hard?” “How do you get tickets for the Olympics?” And, “Can we go through the McDonald’s drive thru?”

So, these are the things on a 13-year-old boy’s mind … at least today.

After a lot of reflection and a bit of research, here are some tips for talking with your teenage son.

Music –Lil’J doesn’t get into U2 with me like he used to. But, even tho’ I’m not crazy about RAP, I let him know when I like a song or an artist. It’s a conversation starter!

Sports – I’m not a huge fan, but when I ask him what’s new in the world of sports, he’ll blab like an expert.

Kiss Goodnight – Lil’J is most talkative when I go into his room right before he falls asleep. This is a time when defenses are down, and sometimes the troubles of the day bubble up and even a teenage boy needs to talk.

Tips Galore from About.com

From Teens Today with Vanessa VanPetten: Her response to "Seven Things You Should Never Say to Your Teen"

Got any tips learned from talking with your teen?