Passing It On (Or, trying to...)

I got a compliment a few days ago at Whole Foods. I was there to buy some sushi as a treat because Big J was working from home and we were planning to have lunch together. I guess I was in a great mood. The cashier and I were chatting about nothing in particular, and he said, “You know, you’ve really brightened my day.” He continued to tell me that people had been a bit cranky that particular rainy day, and our conversation and my smile (I swear he wasn’t hitting on me, I would have known) had cheered him up.
I left Whole Foods in an even better mood. I realized that compliments really do make a difference, so I decided to compliment the next person that seemed to be spreading “the love,” “the good vibes,” “the sunshine,” or whatever you want to call it. Basically, I was on the lookout for a happy person.
Next stop was the bank, which I guess was the wrong place to go to find a cheerful person in this economy. People were standing in line looking a bit defeated. Video store? No luck there. Just some indecisive folks trying to plan which video to bring home. Office supply store to buy envelopes? Nope. No one really in a very good mood there, either.
The next happy, smiley face I saw that day was Big J when I walked in the door with the sushi. He was just finishing a conference call, and either he was really happy to get off the phone, or he was just happy to see me! I’ll go with the latter.
So, I don’t know. Maybe I did deserve that compliment on a dark, dreary and rainy day. Or, maybe I‘m just really lucky to have had something, or someone, to be happy about. In any case, I’m now on sort of a mission. I plan to make an effort to brighten the days of those I see around me, and I’m on the lookout for anyone else doing the same so I can give them a compliment, and some encouragement to go on being upbeat and friendly. So, if you’d like to join me, just smile whenever you get a chance and be sure to chat with your cashiers! And if you get a compliment, pass it on…

Fire in the Driveway

I heard Lil'J digging around in a pillow case filled with candy and I hollered from the next room, "Are you taking your sister's candy?" I knew he had hardly done any trick or treating the night before; he'd been too busy getting in shaving cream fights down the street.

"No, it's not her candy," he responded. "I haven't reached that stage yet." I had to giggle and silently agree. I hadn't reached the phase of Halloween aftermath when I eat C's candy either. We all eat C's candy because she really doesn't like candy that much. I've found that darn pillow case in her room in August, filled with crusty old candy bars and lollipops.

This year was the first Halloween I wasn't home alone handing out candy, while Big J went out with the kids. This year, both C and Lil'J were out on their own (though I did keep tabs on C by making her call me from her cell phone every time she and her girlfriends went on a new street.)

Beginning when they were babies, Big J would take the kids door to door. At first he popped them in a wagon and rolled them down the sidewalk, and later he trailed behind as they raced up and down the streets. Thinking about the old days made me a little sad. This year, each time the doorbell rang, Big J and I felt like an elderly couple answering the door and "ooing and ahhing" over all the little tykes' costumes.

Then I had the idea of pulling our little chiminea out to the driveway and lighting a fire. Soon, we had lawn chairs, the tiki torches, tunes and even a little wine. The night became much more festive! And, when our kids and their friends returned to our house to sort and trade their candy bootie, a crowd of parents gathered in the driveway. Not only did we recount the evening's events, we also reminisced about the Halloween's of recent years, and those of our youth. Somehow shaving cream fights don't sound so bad when I hear stories about my friends egging cars when they were kids.

So, our children are growing and now heading into the Halloween world without us. And while the times are changing, it's possible we started a new Halloween tradition this year. Mental note...next year get more candy and a few duraflames.

Facebook

When I first joined Facebook, my friend Dave wrote, “Welcome to another great way to waste time.” Boy, was he right! I’m addicted. I am now in touch with friends and acquaintances from my High School and College, not to mention my co-workers from jobs I left long ago.
On Facebook, the term “Friend” is used loosely, but it’s sort of exciting. People I know invite me to be their “friend,” and if I recognize a name on someone’s profile, I can invite them to be “friends.” We don’t necessarily have to email or even talk to each other, though it’s convenient if you do want to check in, or give someone a hard time about the Yankees, etc. There’s a little bit of a thrill when I ask someone to be a friend – will they say “yes,” or will they ignore me? Socially, I’ve had to put myself out there in a way I haven’t for a long time, even though it’s only a cyber request and not a real, face-to-face, awkward, “Will you be my friend?”
Facebook is at the top of my checklist when I sit down at my computer. If I click on my “friends,” many of them have listed their “status” and I can see what everyone is up to. For example, I know that Dain is golfing today, Maria went to a concert last night, and Matt is home working in his PJ’s. I can also see photos of my friend’s families, which I love! I know Facebook has been around for a while, but I think it’s the coolest thing since … umm…yogurt in a tube!
A word of warning: if you have a teenager, your Facebook worlds may collide. As I was looking for “friends” in my hometown, I came across a few of Lil’J’s friends, mostly girls. Of course they were lying about their ages because they’re too young to have a Facebook page, but some of the pictures were a bit questionable as well. No, I didn’t ask them to be my friends. (Though I have heard of parents who create false identities to spy on the kids.) Also, I almost joined a group titled “Everything you want to know about Marblehead,” until I realized it was a group of high school kids – my photo might be a bit out of place there.
So, maybe Facebook started as a place for college and high school students to network. Let me tell you, it’s pretty fun for a 45 year-old, too! Just make sure you add some extra time to your day, get up ½ hour earlier or something.
PS – If you want to join Facebook, I’ll be your friend.

Class Assignments

The texts were flying, cell phones were ring-toning and the old fashioned parents were emailing or using the telephone. 6th Grade class assignments had come in the mail and everyone wanted to know who would be where.
After each communication my daughter moped into the kitchen to tell me, “None of my friends are in my class.” To make matters worse, they were all in another class together. When I sat at my computer, a flurry of mom-mails listed and confirmed class assignments. But no good news came for C.
This is an example of one of those times when the words coming from my mouth sound shallow even as I speak them. “Honey, there are almost fifty kids on your team, you’ll definitely know someone.” Or, “This will be a great opportunity to make new friends and stay in touch with your current friends. You’ll be expanding your social circle.” I tried to say all the right things, the things I would have wanted to hear. And C kept nodding and pretending my words carried some comfort, but I knew she was going to spring a leak at some point that day and cry. She did, very briefly.
The bottom line is, sometimes we cannot fix things for our children, or even make things better. Sometimes we try to comfort, but the underlying message is “suck it up.” I tried to fill the void of anxiety with stories from my own youth. “When I was a kid we moved around a lot and I switched schools in 1st grade, in 3rd grade and then again in 6th grade. Every time I was scared and nervous, but every time I made new friends.” Does that help? Maybe a little…
Ultimately, I will not be able to walk into C’s classroom for her on the first day of school. That she must do alone. As a mom, I cannot make friends for my child, just as I cannot do her homework for her, or practice her instrument for her, or take a test for her. I can only help her along -- coach her, give her advice and the benefit of my own experience.
And, deep inside, I know … she’ll be fine. Still, on the first day of school I will be thinking of her all day. And when she finally walks in the door and drops her backpack in the front hall, I hope she’ll be smiling and bubbling over with exciting news from her first day in 6th grade.